Tomorrow is TRANSFER DAY!
As per my usual, I had planned to take it easy leading up to this point and failed dramatically. While it may not always be the best way, I tend to deal with stress by getting busy and occupying my mind. I have a deep rooted sense of “hard work pays” and while I can’t work harder to reach this particular goal, i can’t shake overplanning my days when I don’t have all of the control. It’s been a busy week. But a good busy and each thing I’ve done has brought me peace and added to my story.
I have felt a lot of guilt saying no lately. I have been pretty adamant about keeping my schedule free post-transfer. I just don’t know where i’ll be mentally, physically, emotionally a week from now.. a month from now. But, I have been so humbled with how receptive and amazing my clients have been about this. It’s more and more clear to me everyday how much everyone around us wants this for us too. Not only have they been totally fine with my inability to schedule, they have been a constant source of encouragement.
You don’t realize how quickly you get depleted on this ride. Sometimes, you don’t even realize until someone comes along to replenish you. Zack, Kels and you kiddos – thanks for filling my tank! I love yall to the moon and back!
Friday, I got to send off some very special seniors to Prom Night. It was like a whole trip down memory lane and a glimpse into my hopeful future all at the same time.
I learned that there is always something to look forward to. It is so easy to turn your head back to struggles, the past, what has happened before. But there is nothing for me there. My happiness, my future… it will only be realized when i turn my head forward. And i’d much rather see what’s coming and stare it down face-to-face.
Other times, replenishment comes in the form of vacating all the thoughts of what is going on and just having an evening of fun with friends. I was able to help “egg” some yards to benefit the Hernando Animal Shelter for several families so they could have their very own easter egg hunt sunday morning.
I also got to spend the weekend with sweet Bess and Sonny the wanna-be-billy-goat. We had some excellent cuddles and every one of the five dogs at my house this weekend got a much needed bath. Did I mention how acute my sense of smell has been lately?
Yesterday, I started my pineapple core regimen. For the next five days, I’ll be eating a whole section of pineapple to help with implantation. The very best part of it is that the sweetest Hadley Wren hand delivered that pineapple to me. I learned that people who struggle together succeed together and create a bond that will never break. If this all works, I know it will be Hadley’s pineapple to blame. Every night when I desperately try to choke down this pineapple core, I will remember the day your parents found out you were on the way and the perfect day you were born and the promise your mom made me when I left that delivery room. She said “You’re next”. And that is a memory I will cherish forever.
Today, I was lucky to be a spectator of an immense legacy. I was invited to a family easter lunch to snap some photos for a family to cherish for generations to come. I struggle to find the words to describe what I learned today. Tragedy and triumph are two sides of the same sword. The cycle of life and death is a wonder to behold. I can say that today I learned by example the type of person I hope to be one day. I hope to be as welcoming, warm and as loved as this wonderful family. As soon as I left, i cried my whole eyes out. I cried tears of sadness, of joy and of love. As one generation passed these traditions to the next to carry on in their name, I learned that I want that, too. I learned that family is everything. And everything is surmountable when those that love you surround you.
Through all this flurry of activity, I am now settled back home. All my meds for this evening have been administered. I have one thing ahead of me. And i am going to barrel into this next challenge filled with hope, encouragement, family, and promises. Tomorrow is transfer day. I am feeling every one of the things I can feel. I will never know if I am ready, but I am a warrior. And i will conquer this mountain, too.